Dream a Little Dream

The Day That Changes Your Life Forever

To Be Free

Ghost of a Good Thing

The Man Without A Wife

Hi guys! I know I'm not here very often, but if you don't mind, I need your advice on something. I recently received an email from my mother that was quite upsetting to me. I've been waiting to reply because she's actually sick right now. Unfortunately, I was so upset by the email, that I haven't really been calling and checking up on her, which is not a good thing. I don't want to wait any longer, so I've written a reply. Please, tell me what you think. Am I saying the right thing? The first part is my mom's email and mine is the second. I'd like to send this to her tonight.

ok i'm gonna ask you to do something for me...and i don't ask you for much right?..and you can tell me, oh mom, it's nothing...but, pleeeze remove the photos of you drinking and or looking drunk, and especially of you showing all your boobs..your much too pretty to be doing that..these photos are distasteful and embarrasing to me and daddy..more than one person has made a remark to me about these pics, i've heard, wow!.. is that your daughter?..man she must have alot of boyfriends!..looks like she's having alot of fun in the party capital...and i don't like it..i don't want anyone thinking of you in a bad way...and oh by the way, i'm not dumb,or blind, i know what kind of people your friends are, both guys and girls..your hanging out with the wrong crowd..ask me how i know? and it's not paul either...although he thinks it's ok to get drunk and party all the time once your of age, this is not good for him to be thinking this way..he looks up to you and misses you alot, he's always asking me if your coming in on the weekends..or does she have another party to go to?...i know you think your having a good time now, until something bad happens, then it's too late..i tell you this from experience, something terrible happen to me at one of these "fun parties" beyond my control when i was your age, and now i'm scared forever...and believe me, i love you more than you'll ever know, and should anything ever happen to you, i don't know what i'd do..yes your an adult now, i know, but you don't have any experience and you don't have any clue what horrible things can happen to you,or maybe you do... but think it won't happen to YOU...just wish you had christian friends to hang out with...it would help your spiritual walk with the Lord..i'm telling you this from my heart..and because i worry about you and want the best for you...like any good mother would...my heart is very heavy right now for alot of reasons..now i know what my mother went through with all of us, poor mom...i miss her sooo much...ok thats all i have to say for now....love mom


Mummy,
I’ve been struggling with how to respond to this email for a while now. It’s been hard, especially since you’re not feeling your best. I’m sorry you’re not well, but I can’t help the timing and I can’t continue to let anything go unsaid.

I can’t say I never expected to hear something like this from you, but a small part of me hoped that we’d never have this discussion.

I want to be completely honest with you; this email hurt, possibly more than you can imagine. I understand that you had the best intentions, that you think you know what’s best for me and I love you for loving me so much and for wanting to protect me. However, it hurts that you don’t trust me.

Despite what you may think, I don’t party all the time. Occasionally, yes, I like to have a good time. Yet I’m always around people I know and trust. I have surrounded myself with good people who take care of each other. Good people who you’ve also hurt with your words.

I understand that you would rather I be with “Christian” friends, and maybe someday I’ll gain new friends who fit into that category, but that doesn’t mean you have to put down the people I love. They have not caused me to stray. If it seems that I have certain views you don’t agree with, you can blame that on my education. But I know who I am in the Lord and that will never change. I am strong enough to love God despite not having “Christian” friends.

I don’t know what happened to you at my age, but know that these people will not let that happen to me, nor will I let that happen to them. You need to trust that we’re all responsible adults.

Yes, I’m an adult. I’m a lot closer to thirty than to twenty, as sad as that is to me. You need to let me have my own experiences and let me make my own mistakes, because I’m going to make them. I’m not perfect, no one is, and I will mess up. It’s human nature. It’s what makes us who we are.

As far as those pictures on facebook, well, I’m sorry if you feel that they are inappropriate. It was never my intention to be embarrassing.

Daddy told me that I probably didn’t even have to respond to your email. I don’t agree. I think you need to know how I feel. I don’t want this to change anything. I love you more than anything. I just need you to trust me.

Seven things about me. Since I love to talk about myself, this works out great for me. :)

I was tagged by cibjasfad, but all the rest of my lj friends have been tagged, so I guess it stops here with me. :)

1. I love my hair. It's my favorite thing about myself. The past few years I've had to cut it kind of short because it dries out and doesn't look as good. But I still have pretty hair. I'm very vain about it.

2. I can carry a tune and love to sing. People have told me to audition for American Idol, but it won't happen because I'm not original. Which takes me to the next one...

3. I mimic. I haven't had a constant handwriting pattern my whole life. This last one has stuck the longest, I think. I see the way someone else writes and I copy it because I like it. I sing songs like they were originally sung because that's the only way I know it.

4. I love to go fast. If I could drive 100 mph everyday, all day, without getting a ticket, I would. I love roller coasters and races. My dream car is a Porsche, but I'll take almost anything that's fast.

5. This one I got from jk_salmeier, but it fits with me. I love movie scores. Many times when I'm listening to music, I'm picturing what kind of scene it belongs in. I didn't love OotP, but the score was amazing. It was even better in HBP. One of my dreams is to have someone write a theme song for me like in The Holiday.

6. I've only ever lived in Texas and New Mexico. I went to Cali once for disneyland, but haven't been anywhere else. I would love to see the rest of the country, but not as much as I would love to see the rest of the world.

7. This one isn't a surprise, but it's mostly who I am. I love anything that has to do with England. I don't know why. I love the accents and will speak in a British accent often. If it looks remotely British, I probably like it. I love anything plaid or with the union jack on it. It's my dream to visit England one day.

Sucks that I have to stop there. I could just keep going. :)

I'm still here. Sort of.

I hate that I'm not on here as often as I used to be. I pretty much have no idea what's going on with anybody. Did I hear Ella went to Europe?

I don't really have a good excuse as to why I'm not here, but that doesn't mean I don't have any excuses. I remember when I used to live with my best friend, the two of us would just sit in front of the tv with our laptops and do whatever. Now, if I sit in front of the tv with my laptop, I will block everyone else out and they don't like when I do that. Whatever.

I wish I had better updates on my life, but, alas, I don't.

I found another guy to crush on. And it's the wrong guy, yet again.

He's the brother of a good friend of mine. And him and I are friends, but I think he views me as more of a sister. I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, he said a tall, think girl with perky boobs. I have none of that. And he knows I want a boyfriend. I have no doubt he loves me, just not the way I want.

He, unfortunately, just suffered an extremely rare stroke in his spine. He doesn't have complete use of his left arm, his right side is numb and tingly, and he's walking with a cane. He's only 23. I was out of town when it happened and couldn't see him for three days. I was supposed to see him the day after it happened, but I couldn't leave SA early enough and missed the chance. He was waiting for me. But when I made it to the hospital (the first time, when he missed me because he took forever to get an MRI), I actually wrote "love you" on the message board. He told me he loved me back over the phone. And he gave me the horrible nickname Mexijen. I told him I hated it because I'm not Mexican (that's not true, I am Mexican, but I only claim it when it's time to apply for financial aid). But, nonetheless, I'm "his" Mexijen, he said so himself. Ugh...Sorry, I could have condensed that soooo much. It's just that he's a really great guy. Bleh.

I'm also having trouble coping with one of my roommates. I know it's me, and it's bothering me. I love her, but I loved her more when I didn't have to spend so much time with her. She's one of those anal-retentive people who lets everything under the sun bother her. I'm the complete opposite. She gets upset easily and it's just getting to me. The hardest part is that her boyfriend, my other roommate, and best friend are very much like me and it doesn't bother them the way it bothers me. So I know it's me and I shouldn't let it get to me. I don't know why it does.

And it should be even better now that I don't really see her anymore due to my work schedule. But I've already let it get to me that it seems like it's hard to take back.

On the bright side, I like my job. The first week when I was completely on my own, I almost had a breakdown because I felt that I couldn't do the job right and I shouldn't be there, but I don't feel like that anymore. It's getting easier and I'm hopefully getting better at it.

I should probably get to bed now. I'm going to see The Boondock Saints II tomorrow...or today actually! I'm so excited!!

And I loved New Moon. I'm just throwing that out there. :)

Hugs and Chocolate!

I DON'T HAVE TO WORK AT KOHL'S ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got a job with the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services. I'll now be doing something worthwhile!! I'm so excited! A real job!!!

Love you all!!!

School has started for the semester and it's kind of odd that I'm not doing anything to prepare for classes. Working at a department store, I get nostalgic for things like backpacks and paper and cute folders and spirals to take to class. Though, I've not bought folders, or even a backpack, in years, it doesn't mean I don't miss the school supply shopping days. It always made me excited for school. And then, the night before class, the butterflies in my stomach would keep me up for hours. But, then school would start and I would remember that I hated being there, but went

My roommate and our good friend are going to class this semester. It's funny because our friend is worse than I am when it comes to school. She writes her schedule on random sheets of paper and doesn't check the syllabus until the day before homework is due. It's hilarious and I'm a little sad that I missed out on going to school with her.

What I'm not sad about, is the fact that I am an official graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. Official. I honestly thought that would never happen. Hell, y'all were there when I thought I completely bolloxed the whole thing up in the spring. That was not one of my best moments.

I don't have my diploma yet. Actually, to be honest, graduating in the summer is a bit anticlimactic. I only took classes during the first session, so I was done two months before I actually graduated. Nothing even special happened on the 17th. It came and went and I even forgot to update my facebook status to read that I was an official graduate. I think I had to work that day and it slipped my mind. Doesn't mean I'm not proud of myself though.

What did I learn? I'm not really sure. I think I'm more aware of my writing habits, and I finally got to read Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre (I really only like the latter of the two), but that's about it. I'm not telling my parents this. It would seem like a waste of money. Except for the fact that I can now get a job that requires a degree.

I had been searching and searching for jobs for what seemed like forever, only to realize that that was one thing I should not have procrastinated on. I'm lucky to have a co-worker who works for the Department of family and protective services and told me they were hiring, but they were on a freeze until recently. I interviewed with them the other day, but I did not come out of there feeling like I did a good job. It was one of those interviews that you're not sure what you would have changed, but just know you could have done better. Though, I did have to write up a sample of a report and I'm pretty sure I did everything I was taught not to d; I'm sure there were a few awkward sentences in there that made it all too confusing. But I'll find out in a couple of weeks whether or not I got the job. I'm not holding my breath, that's for sure.

So, here I am, still stuck in Hell a.k.a. Kohl's. I hate that place, and everyone there knows it. And being so close to somewhere else is not helping. Sometimes I wish I could just quit, knowing that I would be able to get something else quickly, but I know that's not how it works, so I stay there. I'm actually considering staying there part time after I finally get a real job, just to see some of the people who work there.

As for my social life, it's better than usual. I got in trouble for doing stuff on my own. Now that I have girly-girl friends, I'm not allowed to not ask for company if there's a chance for it. It interrupts the thoughts of an introvert sometimes, but they usually turn out to be good company.

The most important thing I'm doing: P90X. I've never stuck with any kind of workout regime for this long, and it's only been a week and a half. I'm liking it though. I'm already impressed with the progress I'm making. Granted, my clothes aren't fitting me better yet, but I have more stamina now. It's a great workout though and I feel better just for doing it. Now, if I could only work on eating better. That's the truly hard part. I still eat cookies and McDonald's. It's truly horrible. Maybe I'll start working on that.

The last thing, and if Ella's reading, the most interesting thing: a co-worker of mine keeps trying to have sex with me. Ha. I don't know whether to be surprised that I've not given in or not. Sometimes I'm tempted. But it would just be so weird. We get along great, but I've never been attracted to him. And the thing is, we both kind of have this rule about not dating co-workers, so it would just be sex. That's not really how I want it to be for the first time. But if I get a new job, well, then I don't know.

I wanted this to be a little more introspective and emotional, but I've never been able to write like that. Makes me a little sad, because how else is this supposed to be interesting? Just writing details of someone's life isn't as good as describing how they felt about what happened. I need to start reading the dictionary. I need more adjectives. *shrugs*

Andi, I'm so blessed to have you in my life. You're an amazing person and friend. Thank you for being so awesome!!!!!

Now, I can't remember if you like cats or not, but I think this is the cutest thing!!! (I love kitties) Even though I don't know what it's saying at the end..hehe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what I'm thinking right now? Oh, you do? Well, too bad, I'm gonna say it anyway.

I really wish I was in the same city as Ella so that I could help her with all her babies. Poor thing is going to be super tired. So instead I'm copying surveys from Mel's page.

1. Do you like Blue cheese dressing?
A: Probably not...I'll stick with Italian and Caesar

2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?
A: Cigarettes are the devil! hehe Not really, but I can't stand them

3. Do you own a gun?
A: No, but maybe someday

4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?
A: Cherry

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
A: Not usually


6. What do you think of hot dogs?
A: They're ok as long as there's a lot of ketchup on it

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
A: Hmm...Elf or A Christmas Story

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
A: Orange juice

9. Can you do push ups?
A: Nope

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
A: My school ring

11. Favorite hobby?
A: Singing

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
A: Possibly ;)

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts?
A: I probably should wear something

14. Middle name?
A: Rose, after my Mommy

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
A: Is my resume good enough? I can't believe Ella's having twins? I really want some more sweet tea!!!

16. Name 2 or 3 drinks you regularly drink?
A: sweet tea, sweet tea, sweet tea

17. Current worry?
A: Finding a good job

18. Current hate right now?
A: Not having money

19. Favorite place to be?
A: Anywhere but work

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
A: Watching P.S. I Love You with a friend who needed some company

21. Where would you like to go?
A: England and New Zealand

22. Name three people who will complete this:
A: Maybe Jenn

23. Do you own slippers?
A: I do, but I hardly wear them

24. What color shirt are you wearing?
A: Burnt Orange (it's a UT shirt)

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
A: Sure

26. Can you whistle?
A: Sure can, I do it a lot

27. Where are you now?
A: In my bed

28. Would you be a pirate?
A: If that meant I could marry Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp, definitely ;)

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
A: That's the only place I rarely sing. If I did, it's just whatever's in my head at the time.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
A: Emily

31. Favorite boy's name?
A: Landon

32. What's in your pocket right now?
A: Don't have any

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
A: My friends

34. What vehicle do you drive?
A: A 2009 Mazda 3. My baby!!! :)

35. Worst injury you've ever had?
A: A busted lip from a baseball

36. Do you love where you live?
A: I wish I was more in Austin rather than Pflugerville, but I like my house and roommates

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?
A: 3, but only 2 work

Have y'all seen this??? I love how Harry and Ginny have to touch one another at the end. :)






I have had absolutely no time to read anything lately. But school for me is officially out next thursday. Ahhhh!! Hopefully soon after that I'll be able to read everyone's stuff. Fanfic and original!